I really am.
My mom and I had a discussion not that long ago about me. Depression runs in my family to a ridiculous extent. I know for myself that I've struggled with it for years. I've always been afraid to get diagnosed for it though; more out of fear than anything. I don't want to be on drugs for the rest of my life. But, there are some days when I think that would be better than what I'm dealing with at the moment.
As y'all know from reading my sad dating history that dating hasn't been a part of my life in a long time. I'm usually okay with that, especially now that I've gotten out on my own and am...free. But, there are days when it really, really sucks. It makes me wonder what it is about me that turns men off.
I know I'm not perfect. I'm heavier than I should be. I'm also tall. And smart. But, you would think there would be that ONE man out there who was actually into me. *sigh* Moving to Michigan has been a bit depressing. Detroit is going thru a serious depression. The men who are available are either in jail, just out of jail or going into to jail. I'm over exaggerating, but not by much.
It wasn't much better in Portland where so much of the male population was gay. Some days I wonder if I will EVER find the right man for me.
Getting married isn't really a priority for me, but I would like to have at least one blazing love affair in my lifetime. With the way things are going, I don't think it'll be in my lifetime. Maybe I need to travel around the world to find that guy. It would be nice if I had the funds to do so, but I think it's pretty unlikely to happen anytime in the near future.
I know, I know, I'm such a pessimist. Shame on me. :( Sometimes I think a woman is allowed to feel that way. It's been five years since I've been on a date or been kissed or...well, anything. Sad, huh?